We’ve all heard that self-confidence is of great importance, especially in men, but have you ever wondered why it seems to be so crucial, or why is it that it’s so hard for so many men to exude confidence?
In today’s world of false idols, fake rich people and unattainable beauty standards it’s really not that surprising that a lot of men struggle with low self-confidence to the point where it’s negatively impacting their lives on so many levels.
On every social media platform, all you can see is perfect people with perfect bodies living their perfect lives in their dream houses driving Lambos and G Wagons and whatnot.
But if we just go past the initial feeling of unworthiness, and scratch the surface we’ll see the truth – life’s not perfect, everyone has their own problems, doubts, and worries, and most importantly, all of that’s perfectly fine.
The hard truth of life is – MEN WITH LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE REACH THEIR GOALS VERY RARELY, AND MOST OF THEM DON’T REACH THEM AT ALL.
It really goes without saying just how important it is to start working on eliminating it as soon as possible.
Stop wasting your time, low confidence is a big problem, start working on it today.
The beautiful thing about the journey of developing self-confidence is that a lot of small victories lie ahead of you.
Every one of us has so many limiting thoughts and beliefs, that are just not rooted in reality, we’ve created so many comfort zones in so many different aspects of our lives, that once we start breaking free, a lot of small triumphs await us.
When you think about developing confidence think only about the journey, don’t even bother thinking about the destination.
The question of you reaching true, absolute confidence is so remote that it’s not worth contemplating about. The only thing that matters is the number of smaller paradigms that you’ll have to shatter on your way.
Signs that you have low self-confidence
You give up on your goals and dreams easily
People with low confidence really struggle with goals and dreams. It’s not unusual for them to just give up.
Sometimes people will give up even though there are no valid reasons for giving up.
They’ll come up with a list of reasons why something’s impossible, just to mask the fact that the main reason why they don’t have the balls to chase their goals is not believing in themselves.
That’s one of the worst feelings in the world. I’d been experiencing that shit for years, it paralyzes you and messes up with your brain.
You never talk to strangers
Some people find it very difficult to talk to strangers.
Can you guess the main reason for that?
Of course. They don’t feel confident enough.
You probably have at least one gregarious friend that can talk to anyone with ease.
The reason someone is outgoing and finds it easy to spark a conversation is not always a high level of confidence, but the reason someone is not very sociable is almost always tied to low confidence.
You’re indecisive and seek validation for every decision
How easy it is for you to make decisions and not care about what other people think?
If you find it easy, that’s a good sign. But if you happen to be indecisive about making decisions and always seek validation from people around you, then there’s a good chance that you suffer from low self-esteem.
Always seeking other people’s approval is such a limiting concept.
The fact that you give such power to someone who almost certainly doesn’t understand and in most cases doesn’t even care about your reasons is just wrong. Keep that power to yourself.
Make decisions on your own and stand by them.
“The man of decision cannot be stopped! The man of indecision cannot be started! Take your own choice.”
~Napoleon Hill
You worry people will judge you
This one is closely tied to the previous.
Worrying that others will judge you and worrying about what other people think to the point where it’s limiting your actions and results is a definite sign that you don’t think highly of yourself.
The “I’m not good enough for that” mentality
How many times have you seen a gorgeous girl and thought “There’s no way she’d even look at someone like me”.
And you know what. You’re right.
But not because you’re not good enough for her.
It’s because you’re not confident enough to attract her.
*The National Association for Self-Esteem has linked low self-esteem to a number of negative behaviors among teens, including:
- Poor academic performance
- Teen pregnancy
- Dropping out of school
- Earlier sexual activity
- Criminal behavior
- Alcohol and drug abuse
- Cutting
- Disordered eating
Reasons you might have low confidence
- Unhappy childhood/strict parents
- Poor academic performance
- Financial problems
- Anxiety or depression
- Negative body image
- Trauma or abuse
- Ongoing medical issues
- Poor treatment from a partner, parent or carer, for example, being in an abusive relationship
- Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble
Ways to improve your confidence
Improving one’s self-image requires a lot of effort and dedication, but even though it’s very hard, it’s not impossible.
Work on your appearance
One of the reasons people feel unconfident is because they’re not happy with the way they look. And, therefore, working on improving your overall appearance is a great place to start, when thinking in terms of improving one’s self-image.
It doesn’t mean that you have to make radical changes and completely transform your appearance in order to feel better about yourself. Absolutely not.
Start by making small changes. The smallest changes in appearance have can have a huge impact on your confidence.
Things like, always having a fresh haircut, or accessorizing, or even dressing up more often.
Anything that you feel will make you more confident is a perfect solution.
When it comes to long term self-image improvement, there are 3 most important appearance aspects that will, when properly developed, have a lasting positive impact on your self-confidence.
Your style – always work on improving your style, start putting a bit more effort into how you present yourself and you and your style will develop simultaneously.
Body image – just get to the point where you’re happy with the way your body looks. Don’t set unrealistic goals. Try to make the most with what you’ve got, and be happy with it. When you get to the point when you feel amazing physically, mental wellbeing is just a few steps away.
Good grooming habits – this may not seem that important, but I honestly think that keeping your body and face properly groomed instantly makes you look better.
Always wear a cologne
Ok. This is a cheat code.
It’s something like an instant fix.
It may sound silly, but trust me.
I think that it’s impossible to smell amazing and feel unconfident.
Women get compliments all the time, but, us guys, no. It’s not that common.
And the easiest way to get a compliment as a guy is to smell great.
Everyone just loves when people around them smell amazing, and there’s a chance for you.
Start wearing fragrance every single day. Make sure to always smell good.
I promise you, it will do wonders for your confidence.
Body language and confidence
Did you know that when it comes to human interactions, body language accounts for more than 55% of the total communication? The impact of the words you say is as low as 7%. Isn’t this mind-boggling?
More than 90% of communication has nothing to do with the words that come out of your mouth.
Here’s an interesting fact for you.
Standing and sitting in certain poses for as short as 2 minutes, can increase your testosterone levels and decrease your cortisol levels, hormones that are related to power and dominance.
Social psychologist Amy Cuddy revealed this in her Ted Talk, which I strongly suggest you watch.
Here are some amazing YouTube videos that provide a really in-depth guide on how to improve your body language and be more confident in social interactions.
If you’ve had problems with low self-confidence, I really believe you can greatly benefit from the ideas and concepts in these videos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPHFIE1xoX0https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFLjudWTuGQ
Practice with people you see every day
People with low self-confidence tend to avoid unnecessary social interactions, and they can seem pretty closed and unfriendly, even though the real problem is their low confidence.
Engaging in a conversation with people you don’t know is a great way to loosen up and improve both your social skills as well as your confidence.
You interact with new people on a daily basis.
The next time you take an Uber, talk to the driver. Talk to the people in a corner shop or at the cash register. Try to start a conversation, it doesn’t have to be a profound, 20-minute long talk, but 2 or 3 sentences back and forth is an amazing way to ger past the shyness and start feeling more relaxed around people, which will inevitably lead to feeling more confident in social situations.
At the end of the day WE’RE ALL THE SAME
When we meet someone we believe to be “out of our league”, we feel intimidated and that instantly triggers a series of bad thoughts and feelings which results in the feeling of inadequacy and insecurity.
And that’s because we look at people and compare them to ourselves, and if they happen to be above us in some department (whether it’s looks, money, social status, etc.), we instantly feel inferior to them.
The reality is, we’re all just regular people. What I lack you might have plenty and vice versa, but that’s no reason to think less of yourself.
Start seeing everyone as just human, and realize that there’s absolutely no reason for you to feel inferior.
We’re all human, we just took different paths and have different stories, but essentially, we’re the same.
Think positively
Just repeating some generic positive affirmation won’t be of much help.
The key is to internalize positive thoughts and turn them into positive emotions.
Keep trying convincing yourself you’re confident, to the point that your brain has no other choice than to actually believe it.
Repeat the same affirmation daily and try to mentally see the image of you being confident.
Consciously and deliberately make yourself think positively. You’ll see an improvement.
Become more aware
The previous one was about eliminating unwanted thoughts, and this one is about eliminating negative behavior. And that’s my last advice for you. Whenever you catch yourself being unconfident replace the negative with the positive. Make yourself act more confidently.
Once you break the ice, everything will become way less complicated.
Examples of famous people with high confidence
TAKEAWAY
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along’.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt